Thirteen Things That "Tork My Shorts!"

13 Things That "Tork My Shorts" (Upset me, Irk Me, Tick me Off)

1. Any bottle, lid on a product that you can only open with a blow-torch! Example--we bought a Welch's White Grape Juice, Blueberry and Kiwi drink and oh--it looked SO good! Do you think we could open it with our bare hands? No! It took my husband and my daughter to go outside, stand on our deck and while he STOOD on the thing, she twisted off the lid! This is no joke! I tried it with all kinds of tools and it wouldn't come off. I was thinking (and still thinking) of calling Welch's and asking them what they use to seal those lids with!? Can you imagine your 80-year-old grandmother trying to open one of their lids?! YEESH! I think that they should give away tools to open their lids with--you know, like have a wrench duct-taped to the side of the bottle!

2. The Pussy Cat Dolls. Oh my most holy crap! These girls (I say that lightly) are a joke. They have no talent and their songs reek of nasty. "Don't ja wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" NO, because you're just a bunch of stupid strippers trying to shake what ya ain't got, baby! And now the lead singer of the group is singing (oh, is THAT what that is?) with Diddy on a GOOD SONG that he did! HELP! Why couldn't he have chosen someone more classy to sing with like Ciara or Cheri Denise?! C'mon! BAN THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS!

3. People that want you to be their friends on MySpace because they are some new age group that wants to be noticed. Okay--this one person keeps asking me to add them on MySpace, but I'm sorry--their picture is scary and their music is TERRIFYING! I mean, seriously, I could make better music with my cats howling at the mood than what this person has on their site. If you want to have bad dreams for the rest of your life---give it a listen here.

4. Okay--people that are at the check out, they have purchased all of their goodies and the cashier says, "That will be $115" (or whatever the price) and then they pull out their check book and start to write. Oh no---oh no--there goes my blood pressure soaring! Could they have not written the check (all but the amount) in the car before they went into the store OR in the line while waiting to be checked out?! Or better yet, have these people not heard of a debit card?! For crying out loud and for the love of Pete, please.....PLEASE write out your check before they give you the total!!!! I beg you! Because if you don't, I'm likely to swat you over the head with my purse and that will not be pretty!

5. People who just have to be somewhere very fast and tailgait you until you either a) pull over and let them pass, b) they pass you. I am very sorry your alarm clock didn't go off and now you're late or that you have to get home before your wife/husband finds out you've been out all night but please---remember I have myself and my children in the car/truck and driving that close to my behind is very dangerous BECAUSE I could reach out and SLAP YOU!!! But seriously, it IS dangerous to tailgait so BACK OFF MY CAN!

6. Kevin Federline. Oh my---this....um...person thinks he can sweet talk Britney to marry him (oh---it worked....silly me), take her money and try (and I said TRY) to make a hip hop song?! What, like this guy deserves this? My daughter played the music video for me (that Sony thinks is going to be SO GREAT---cough, gag, barf) and I wanted to know what that NOISE was. BLAH! Two GOOD singers/hip hop artists have left Sony (I wonder why) and I hope others do because Kevin Federline...YOU ARE A JOKE! Maybe you should have thought of doing a country album---it MAY have sold a few copies. I thought of buying your album just so I could run over it with my truck, but I'm not even going to support you that way. Good luck--not having eggs hurled at you!

7. Magazines that have on their cover "LOSE 20 to 30 POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS" and then on the very same cover is a picture of a yummy dessert item and these words "RECIPE FOR OUR LUCIOUS CHEESE CAKE!" Okay--do you want me to lose weight or not? Is this some kind of a cruel joke? Are they saying, "Okay, you fatties, turn to THIS page for weight loss. But everyone else, try the yummy desserts!" I mean, it just doesn't make sense to me. Guess that's why I read "People" magazine!

8. Restaurants that run out of food. Um...okay. Example--we go to Krystals at the wee hours of the morning for corn pups...I order some and they tell me to drive up. Once at the window, I am informed that they are out and she (worker) doesn't have the key to the freezer to get more out. Hello? Do you sell food here or no? Running out of food is one thing...having the food in a locked freezer? Not cool.

9. Internet hijackers. These are programs that take over your home page (scary) and you have to go in and delete them out every day or buy a program to get rid of them. I have one of these and I'm ready to STRANGLE the creep that did it! You can get this by just sitting on the internet so BE CAREFUL! I have spyware on my computer, but this nasty little creepy thing (Find The Web Site You Need is their name) keeps coming back. So now I have to buy another program to get rid of these jokers. Oh what FUN!

10. Wal-mart closing down their self-check out lane at a certain time at night and then having only one check out lane for the entire store. They really could just leave their self check out lanes open and spare us the agony of one lane. We have two Wal-marts in our town and one leaves their self-check outs open all night and the other does not. Which one do you think WE shop at?

11. Living in a place that doesn't have open enrollment of schools for my kids. This means that I have to take my kids to a school that the county or state or whoever decides. Where my brother lives (in Iowa), parents chose the school they want their children to attend. That way, the schools have to provide the best teachers or hey---people aren't sending their kids there. Where I live, the high school is actually Federally funded so it would take an act of congress to get my daughter transferred to the school in town (this is NO joke). I feel like I live in a freakin' communist country and have complained to these people about it (and it falls on deaf ears). The school was almost closed down (dang) and I'm wishing it would have been because I think their rules are wrong. If my daughter wants to attend the public school in town, she should have that right. I think it's time to call my congressman/woman!

12. People who are prejudice against race, color, SIZE, anything about another person. I have NO TOLERANCE for this! What year is this anyway? It's not the 1960's people so WAKE UP and start treating your "neighbor" like they really are your friends! I guess you could say I have a prejudice against prejudice (huh?).

13. Commercials that are LOUD. I guess ALL TV commercials are loud and that is so, SO annoying! You're watching your favorite show on TV and it's just the right volume.....then it switches to a commercial and you fly out of your chair because it gets LOUDER! ARGH! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID PRODUCT AND I MIGHT EVEN LISTEN IF YOU WEREN'T SO DAMN LOUD, YOU MORONS! There--I had my own loud commercial! Nah, nah, nah!