Attack of the Mutant Spider!

Okay look, I am a lover of animals and all creatures great and small. I have even gone out of my way to remove little crawly critters from my home instead of squashing them. But....last night was the ultimate in all creepdome!


My daughter, Kaboosie, and I had just finished watching TV shows that we had TiVOed (yes, it's a word---I made it one!!!). We watched the new season of "The Real Life" with Paris and Nicole, "Charm School," "Sunset Tan" and "Robot Chicken." It was about 2:22 and we were going to go to bed---Kaboosie on the couch and me on my way to grab something to drink before bed. I got into the frig and got some peaches to eat and as I was munching on them....I looked up above our cupboards and started choking on my peaches!! Why did I nearly choke to death? What had I seen!? A spider so mfin' big that I nearly split my pants in two! I kid you not---this thing was as big as a tea cup. It's legs just went clear to hell and gone! I got Kaboosie up to look at it and then she and I were both creeped out.

Well--time to call in the calvary---aka Rovorkius! I woke HIM up to do the dirty deed of smashing the thing. Well, we rolled him out of bed and then he tried to figure out how to kill it. Sorry--Kaboosie and I didn't stick around to watch as the last thing we wanted was that big ass thing dropping on our heads or worse---by our toes! EEEEEKKKK!!! So into the bedroom Kaboosie and I retreated!!! Kaboosie sat at my computer and put my headphones on so she didn't have to hear the comotion. I heard "WHACK" and then another "WHACK" and I was praying to God that he got it!!! Rovorkius said he scared it and thought he had killed it as the spider was lying on it's back and looked crumpled up. Ha--the thing was "playing opossum" because when he went to hit it again (the second WHACK I had heard), it took off like a bat outta hell! So Rovorkius had to tell me that "it got away." Oh crap!!! We stayed up another hour and a half before exhaustion set in and we didn't care if the damn thing came and bit us because we were tired! Sigh. So somewhere in my house is a scared, pissed off mutant spider!
God help us all!!!!